nephthys | a late birthday present (Reply)

to my dear and lovely maiden

A very merry Snape Collection for my dearest Ruth-a-doodle

“Merlin, it’s like trying to pull teeth from a Cornish pixie,” Snape said, rubbing the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “Do you have a reason to be here, Mister Potter, or are you trying to annoy me to death?” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 2)

“Would you like me to read to you sir? Just till you get tired, then I’ll leave.”

“Oh, what a shame. And here I was hoping you’d watch me while I slept,” Snape said wryly. (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 2)

“Well, do me the ultimate compliment of assuming my intelligence is at least on par with yours. I do have interests outside of my employ. Read anything. The mere sound of you butchering the English language should be enough to put the most alert person into a coma.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 2)

Harry grinned and pulled a well-worn Quidditch magazine out of his back pocket. He flattened it out roughly on his lap and held it up so its cover was visible to Snape.

“Good Lord,” Snape sighed, and moved until he was lying comfortably on his side facing Harry. His eyes closed and the expression on his face was that of one soon approaching the guillotine. (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 2)

“I don’t have that many expressions? How intriguing. Pray tell, Potter, what would you say about the one I’m displaying now?” Snape asked dryly.

“That’s the look that tells me you’re secretly amused by something that’s just happened, but there’s no way you’re going to let on, so you’ll just pretend to be annoyed at something and yell at the nearest available person. Since I’m the only one here, please feel free to use me,” Harry chuckled.

“Indeed. I didn’t realise you were normally so magnanimous. Tell me, since you are the current expert on my facial expressions, what others have you catalogued?” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 2)

“Well, there’s your ‘Oh Merlin, what have I done to deserve this class?’ look, the ‘I can’t believe Dumbledore said that’ look, the ‘It’s about time somebody else paid attention to the Slytherins’ look and, my personal favourite, because I think I’ve seen it directed towards me nearly every day I’ve been at Hogwarts, the ‘I’m doing everything in my power to not strangle you, you incompetent fool’ look.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 2)

“How old will you be?” he asked, before he embarrassed himself entirely by falling asleep in front to the brat and snoring into his mug. (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 2)

Snape sighed. “Mister Potter, since you are so eager to read something that is clearly none of your business, perhaps you will simply do me the courtesy of asking if you can stick your big nose into my business?” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 2)

“You’re trying to fix the vampire thing,” Harry whispered again.

“Idiot,” Snape said, fixing Harry with his stare. “I am the vampire thing.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 3)

“None of this makes any sense. It’s all moonlight and potions and ritual dancing. I don’t think that’s going to help you, sir.” Harry grinned as he pictured the Potions master tiptoeing through a meadow by the light of a full moon.

“Whatever it is you are thinking, stop it at once.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 3)

“It’s a simple question,” Harry teased as he plucked a pink, marshmallowly creation off the plate and stuffed it whole in his mouth.

“You have the most appalling manners I’ve ever seen,” Snape said without any real malice.

“Bulls-, I mean, that’s not true. I’ve seen Crabbe eat corn on the cob before,” Harry chuckled.

Snape tried to hide his snort in his teacup. “Yes, well, perhaps I’m being hasty.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 4)

Snape backed away. “You will not infect me with your germs. I don’t have time to be sick.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 5)

“Nothing that concerns you,” Snape said, his eyes widening as if in panic. “You must leave now…don’t!” He said, as Harry moved around him and looked at his desk.

Which was covered with the corpses of [SPOILER ;)].

Snape stared at him, spots of colour appearing on his face. Harry looked between the dead [SPOILER] and him in confusion. “What are you - ? Did you, did you kill them?”

Snape’s lips tightened and he spat out, “Of course I killed them Potter, unless you think they are a gift from a secret admirer.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 5)

“At least try it,” Harry pleaded, frustrated at his silence.

Snape stared at the wall and thought for a few moments. He sighed as he came to his decision. “Very well. Just this once, mind, and only because you have some perverse need to fulfil your martyr complex.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 5)

Dumbledore filled Snape’s empty cup to the brim with firewhisky. “If I get you drunk, will it make it easier for you to tell me?”

“Don’t know, but it might get you lucky,” Snape joked.

“Severus my boy, you know if I were that way inclined —“

“You would have tried something years ago, and I would have turned you down. Horny old letch.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 6) [jc: OMpfmhahaFG! can’t believe it!]

“My, my, it must be something significant to get you in such a huff,” Dumbledore teased.

Snape threw him a dark look. “If you weren’t such a good friend —“

“I know, I know. They would have found my rotting carcass behind the Leaky Cauldron years ago. Spit it out. I hate it when you brood.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 6)

Oh, the joys of being Severus Snape. (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 6)

“No,” Snape spat. “It will not be all. Since you have such a keen interest in my affairs, I will tell you what’s going on. Perhaps then you will stop pulling that face.”

“What face?” Harry said, hotly.

“That face,” Snape mocked. “The one that looks like someone’s just taken your last chocolate frog.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 9)

“If you feel such an overwhelming need to thank me, you can buy me one of those infuriating, cacophonous get-well cards I see surrounding your bed every time you get injured. After a few hours of being subjected to that music, I’ll no doubt be so sickened I’ll either leave the infirmary in desperation or die happily.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 15)

Snape looked away, his arms still crossed tightly against his chest. Harry leaned over and sniffed his hair. “What sort of shampoo do you think this is? I like it.”

“Hippogriff shite, as far as I’m concerned. Will you get off me?” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 15)

“Of course you don’t want him to die, any idiot can see that,” Ron yelled back. “Even I don’t want him to die, even if he is a miserable, sarcastic bastard who wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire.” (Aqua Fresca by stellahobbit, chapter 16) [jc: hysterical-breakdown. LOL to DEATH]

"And if you're going to 'sleep with me' as you so elegantly phrased it, you might want to call me something other than Professor Snape."

Once again, Harry found himself laughing. "What would you suggest?"

"My name, perhaps?"

"You are a sarcastic bastard, Severus," he tried the name out, "You know that, don't you?"

"No, I didn't, but thank you for alerting me to that fact." (Nocturne by Tira Nog Chapter 3)

"And it doesn't bother you that your lover was out in the forest half the night sucking the blood out of fluffy little bunnies?" Severus demanded. (Nocturne by Tira Nog Chapter 6)

Snape's still continued to read. "Mr. Potter. Enunciate. I know that full sentences are often beyond your ken, but I would appreciate both a subject and a verb this go around." (Snape: The Home Fries Nazi by Pir8fancier)

And this revelation gives you license to abuse my dishcloth?" (Snape: The Home Fires Nazi by Pir8fancier)

"You will never know if you will find me here, though. If I am working when you arrive, I will want your assistance. Come whenever you want, but not after midnight, unless it's an urgent matter. After all, contrarily to the legend, I do sleep at night." (The Crypt by Ptyx)

"Coherency has never been your forte." (The Crypt by Ptyx)

“I see that your vocabulary is appropriately expanding. And I do not, in any way, have 'separation anxiety'. In fact, I'm quite pleased that I will not have to deal with your incessant infantile behaviour.” (The Paradox of Existence by DragonLight chapter 1)

"Have you been possessed by a deranged feline, Potter?"

He turned his face so he could press a kiss to Severus's sternum and smiled. "I've never heard you complain about it before."

"Obviously I've never been in my right mind before." (The Paradox of Existence by DragonLight chapter 3)

"You're confused. Obviously the lack of a proper night's sleep has addled your brain. This will be the last time you spend the night before any exams."

"Then it's a good thing that tomorrow is my last N.E.W.T."

"At last, Harry Potter leaves Hogwarts. It's what the entire teaching staff has been waiting for."

"Your sense of humour kills me, Severus."

"If only." (The Paradox of Existence by DragonLight chapter 3)

"Everyone has an off day now and then, I suppose. You just happened to catch me on mine." Harry stood and swayed slightly as the blood all rushed from his head. Being the sober one, Severus jumped up and grabbed Harry's elbow to keep him from falling. A nod. "Well, I guess you should be going, Mr Severus." [jc: LOL “ Mr SEVERUS” bwahahaha] (Paradox of Existence by DragonLight chapter 4)

"I don't know why I put up with you."

"When you've figured it out, please inform me. I will be delighted to know what ailment of the brain
consumed you so many months ago." (Paradox of Existence by DragonLight chapter 3)

"The time turner came into my possession in a rather unscrupulous manner--"

"You stole it." (Paradox of Existence by DragonLight chapter 11)

“So, Sirius, did you find your mate last time you were in your animagus form?”

“Well there was this poodle…”

“That’s sick.”

“You asked.” (Paradox of Existence by DagonLight chapter 15)

"Tea?" A single cup of tea was floating toward him. Knowing it was useless to deny the proffered cup, Severus snatched it out of the air.

"I haven't come for tea, Albus. I've come to resign."

Albus looked up from his game. "How is Mr Potter's training going, Severus?"

"Fine." Severus snapped. "Did you even hear me, Albus?"

"Had you said something?"

Pressing his lips together into a thin line, Severus glared. Albus was being purposely difficult. Again. He looked on as Albus picked up one of the black pieces and moved it. "I said that I have come to resign," Severus said enunciating each word as if he was talking to a person hard of hearing. Which seemed to be the act that Albus was playing.

"Harry is showing the signs?" Albus turned and stared at him with wide, deceptively innocent eyes.

"Signs of what, my dear boy?" (Paradox of Existence by DragonLight chapter 16)

Crumbs falling into his beard, Albus devoured a biscuit. "I've decided that Harry shall be going on his first overt mission."

Severus sighed. It never ceased to amaze Severus how Albus could talk about something so serious and yet look so ridiculous. Some tea had dribbled down his chin to mix with the crumbs. "I'm sure that Sirius and Remus can keep an eye on him." (Paradox of Existence by DragonLight chapter 16)

"Now, I came to discuss my resignation."

"Was the tea not to your liking, Severus?"

"Albus," Severus growled.

"Would you like another cup?" Albus had already summoned a new cup and was pouring tea into it.

"No, Albus. My resignation." Severus reached into his robes. "I have my letter here." He pulled out an envelope, and attempted to hand it to Albus. The Headmaster did not take it.

"Put it away, Severus." Albus's sharp tone changed in the next second to his usual jovial one. "Have some pudding with me?"

Severus shook his head.

"A lemon drop then?"

Again.

"Why?"

"My integrity will not allow me to remain here as a teacher."

"Why ever not? Tell it to be quiet."

"Albus, be serious."

"I like being Albus Dumbledore, thank you. I have no intention of ever turning into Sirius Black." Albus grinned at him.

"That joke has been going on since I was a first year, Albus. Don't you think that it is a little old?"

Albus scrunched his nose. "I'm a little old. The joke is fairly new. Besides, I like it. I find it humorous." (Paradox of Existence by DragonLight chapter 16)

Severus swallowed. It was the only way out. "He's become too fond, Albus. I am not made out of stone."

Albus smirked. "Of course not, Severus. You couldn't move if you were made of stone. Let alone teach."

"You are being purposely obtuse."(Paradox of Existence by DragonLight chapter 16)

Severus looked toward the desk. “You’re a disgrace to wizards every time you open your mouth, Black.”

He turned back to Harry. With one finger he turned Harry’s head until it was facing him. “Come back to the dungeons. These… people you choose to associate with are annoying me.” (Paradox of Existence chapter 20)

If he made a friendly overture, surely one of them would respond in kind, providing he didn't kill the unsuspecting soul with the shock of Severus Snape attempting to be pleasant. (A Nick in Time by Tira Nog)

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